A butterfly's wings
by CarlaConnor13
Summary: Carla can't stand it. Her nightmares seem to be playing on repeat and she knows the way they go by now. She vows that this time is the last that she will allow this to happen to her.
1. Reopened wounds

Carla must have stayed in the same position for hours, unmoving, the familiar feeling of 'dirt' clinging to her body. After Frank, she wasn't sure she'd be able to be as strong this time. This was different. HE was meant to be different. Days ago she never would have suspected that Nick would be the one to reopen that chest, that she'd spent over six years trying to bury.

This time however, there was no Maria, no Michelle, no Peter. She was truly alone this time, so she crawled towards the shower, despite the agonising throb between her legs. In the shower she scrubbed at her body until her skin was raw and bruised, trying to ease any evidence of the attack. Bruises clung to her pale skin in painfully obvious hand marks.

She lost track of how long she stayed in the shower, scalding hot water falling onto the red raw skin. She couldn't cry, she couldn't breathe, she didn't want to do anything.

The bruises forming quickly on the tight skin of her face were prominent in the steamy bathroom mirror. Teaching them lightly with her fingers, almost treasuring the feeling that maybe she did deserve to feel this pain again. After the fire, she was sure that she deserved anything now.

That night she sat up against the pillows of her bed, staring and jumping at the shadows that danced against the walls of the dimly lit room. A crash sounded below the window and it sent Carla into a wild panic, scrambling into the furthest corner and doing her head to her knees, rocking back and forth like she did when she was young.

Roy.

She could be in this house. His house. She needed to get back to the safety of the familiarity. Wrapping her arms tightly around her and fumbling with the keys in shaky hands. Once outside, she stuck to the shadows, now painfully aware she was in the street in less than what was appropriate. She noted that this was a step better than last time, when she couldn't fathom leaving the house for anything.

A loud car speed past leaving or firmly up against the brick wall, eyes closed and breathing erratic. Silently paying the pub she listened to the faint babble of friendly conversation, which left her trapped in a bubble , she felt like she was drowning as the whole world continued, as if it hasn't just happened again. As if she hadn't been RAPED.

Roy was seemingly unaware, cleaning tables in the cafe when she entered. If he had been confused about her current attire, he didn't say anything, but enbraced the brunette when she tightly hugged him, telling him that she'd missed him dreadfully. Another thing he didn't seem to notice was the dark marks that covered her face.

After a restless night she rose to face the world again, as much as she wanted to go to sleep and not wake. Thickly applying foundation to the almost black bruises that marred her cheeks and eyes, and choosing a to that subsequently covered the mass of bruises that we also featuring on her arms, legs, upper chest, and stomach. The night was much worse that that of Frank, at least he'd got it over with, with limited verbal abuse.

Not Nick, no. He'd kept stopping to name a jab about Tony, or Frank, or her past. The majority of her bruises we the result of filing back at timely comments aboyr Michelle that filled Carla's eyes with tears that refused to spill.

Michelle was due to be returning later today, and Carla found comfort in that knowledge. She'd be safe when Michelle was back, when the one person who she could rely on was stood, holding her hand.

Carla had done a pretty good job at covering up the marks, as no one commented in the factory. Nick had stayed away, which relaxed Carla's trembling frame when she was alone in the office slightly.

She hoped he'd stay away for good, ashamed in the knowledge of what he'd done.

Hope, Carla had come to learn, was futile. He would return. He would act normally. She would be expected to act so too, as no one else knew of the attack, and leaving without excuse was bound to draw in the attention she despised. Nick was always the gentleman, so Carla knew an unexpected break up would be landed on her, because I'm the eyes of the residents, she was the car crash on their relationship.

Carla phone ring out abruptly, causing Carla to fall backwards off the chair she was swinging on anxiously. She silently cursed for beinf stupid enough to leave the damn thing on full volume. Hee wjole body was in pain once again, as she heaved herself into a sitting position, fingers slowly curling round the cool case of the phone, turning it over in her hands. Releif flooded her senses as the name she read on the shaking screen was not the one she feared.

Chelle - Bistro in ten? Missed you xx

Carlas heart rate rose again. As much as she craved the safety of being in Michelle's arms, she doubted her own strength in being able to hide her true emotions from her. Michelle had always been and continues to be the only person to truly know Carla better that she knows herself.


	2. A secret

Michelle sat with her back to the bistro door, her sunkissed neck and lightened hair extenuated by the dim glow of the lights. Carla found herself wavering at the door, second guessing her decision to see her this soon after what happened. It was a risk she didn't knoe she had the strength for.

Just as she was about to turn and retreat to the safety of Roy's, Michelle turned her head expectantly, and her face lit up upon meeting her gaze with Carlas. A small wave, caused Carla to be brought to her senses, slap a almost realistic smile onto her face, and walk towards the table, her movements slow and calculated, like everything else she had done in the past two days. She couldn't risk mistakes, so she couldn't allow herself to be distracted and slip up.

Sitting down ans subconsciously pulling down the sleeves of her top, she greeted Michelle with a real smile. She _was_ happy to see her, she thought. In truth, she was confused, all her emotions had blurred into one tiring stretch of consciousness that was beginning to take its toll mentally on Carla.

"Carla!" Michelle clicked her fingers in front of Carla's wandering eyes, huffing at her friends distance. "I said, where's Nick?". just the mention of his name caused a cold sweat to bead on her forehead, worry settling in the bottom of her churning stomach. Acting as natural as her protesting body would let, she shrugged and spoke as if she didn't care, "dunno, probably of bedding some unlucky sod" she lied. Carla did care where Nick was. She needed to know when he was coming back in order to prepare herself to remain calm as to not draw unnecessary attention.

She didn't need the endless hope that he would get sent down for his actions, when inevitably he would get away Scott free, with a tap on the wrists. She barely coped the first time, finding endless comfort in the crimson liquid she'd learnt to depend on.

Taking a gulp of her wine in front of her, she changed the topic, turning it into Michelle. "anyway, how was Italy, tour tan is gorgeous by the way". They way Michelle's face lit up again at her words tugged painful at her heart.

As the evening went on, Carla found herself slipping into a calmness she only associated with her best friend, letting Michelle distract her from the more pressing matter. Her mind fogged slightly, as Chelle ordered another bottle. Welcoming the release, she didn't complain, relaxing and engaging with the conversation enthusiastically.

It was only half an act at this point she'd say, she really did enjoy talking with Michelle about the small things they both loved.

During one of Michelle's particularly comical stories, of which included various acting out of scenes, ans obscene hand gestures, Carla found herself distracted just enough that when she felt the heat of the bistro, she rolled both her sleeves up to get elbows, eyes not leaving Michelle's face.

Carla didn't realised what she'd done and Michelle stopped her ramblings to reach out to hold Carla's arms gently. Carla was still unaware however with Michelle's worried tone and angry eyes she was made aware, "What have you done?!"

Realising what Michelle was gesturing too, Carla pulled her arms forcefully from the younger brunettes grip, pushing her chair backwards in case of a quick exit, eyes wide. Her sleeves were now down as she attemptes to shake off the dark finger marks etched into her pale skin.

"its nothing Chelle, you don't want to know". Carla cursed her stupidity. She should have known that letting her guard down could only lead to disaster. Michelle now refused to let it go, gently coaxing Carla's arms back onto the table for her to inspect, which Carla allowed, to avoid a scene. "umm i do actually, tell me" Michelle protested, fingers lingering over the marred skin.

Pausing, Carla viewed the pain on her best friends face, broken that she had been the one to cause it. Her brain raced to think of an excuse that Chelle might accept as the truth. She figured she may not take anything properly.

"umm, i got in a fight with someone from school, acting me of all sorts Chelle you should've heard her!" Carla fidgeted in her chair, annoyed at the simplicity of the lie. The uncomfort only grew when Michelle fixed her gaze with Carlas, eyes frantically searching her fill eyes for signs of a lie. Fortunately, there wouldn't be signs of any lies, because Carla couldn't bring herself to care anymore.

Instead of accepting the lie or challenging it, the younger brunettes eyes seemed to floor with even more worry, as she reached up to cup Carla's cheek with her hand, thumb grazing the purple bump below the makeup.

Closing her eyes to mask the wince, nor trusting herself to stay strong with her friends face of worry. She knew it was a bad idea to come.

She knew her instincts would be proved right.

At present, Carla couldn't afford her newest secret to be let out, so she let her chair squeak against the harsh floor of the bistro. Eyes flashing with tears Carla felt herself retreating away from the worry present in Michelles eyes.

She stumbled backwards, out through the door, not waiting for footsteps to inevitably follow.

If Michelle somehow managed to find her tonight, Carla couldn't trust herself not to blurt it out. She disnr have the strength to relive the memory so soon, or at all.

She needs release. She needs escape.

She needs sleep.


	3. Review

thanks for taking the time to read this, any sort of feedback would be much appreciated xx


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